Just in case you didn't know, I'm still stuck here in Japan.

Yeah yeah, they extended my original stay for 3 more weeks. 3 friggin' weeks.

But I'm finally flying home this Friday.

So for those back home, please please PLEASE behave and don't do anything stupid like starting another People Power, at least until I arrive. You can let all hell break loose once my plane lands but not, I repeat, NOT, before.

I desperately want to be home.

I'm home! I'm home! I'm home!

I'm still giddy because of that. Nevemind the heat, tdust, smoke, and the endless rallying and bickering. I'm glad to be home. If there's any thing that's crystal-clear to me right now, it's that my place is HERE.

Here is my TO DO list for the next few weeks:

0. FULL HOUSE Rewind! (I have all 16 episodes at home).
1. Meet up with friends and catch up on stuff.
2. Open at least one more bank account (I have so much money! ).
3. Visit my sweet dentist.
4. Watch Batman, and War of the Worlds; Look for a decent DVD copy of Star Wars III.
5. Practice with Kahimaniwari (I missed them so much).
6. Buy a new guitar for our church.
7. Redeem the time (while there is time) and spend as much of it as possible with her.
8. Put my finances in order.

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Korean melodramas kept me sane throughout my trip extension. Every Wednesday and Friday my officemates and I would troop to Kuji for Full House marathons. Coke, milk tea, and ginger ale were abundant, as well as beef jerky and nori flavored chips. I also watched My Sassy Girl one time, but I found it very disturbing. I did not enjoy that one.

Full House is very funny, but has a very tragic feel (at least for me). It took the protagonists 16 hour-long episodes to finally admit, to themselves and the other person, that they can't live without the other. Kinda like in real life (only MUCH more protracted).

I mean, why do we have this constant fear of being discovered that we love? Why do we fear letting the person, and the world, know how much he or she means life to us? Instead we lie, deny, and hide, hurting ourselves, and others, in the process.

One thing I realized during my exile is that time is really priceless. We cannot afford to waste any moment by hesitating. If we love then we must let them know. There is no shame in that. If we love in truth then we must also love in deed. Not someday, but now.

As for me, I will redeem what little time I have.

I'm addicted. I admit it.

Last sunday, I finished my own 'Full House Rewind' at home. Still, I can't get enough of it. Or her, maybe.

Song Hye Kyo is the lead actress in Full house. I've resorted to browsing the Net for information about her. I found a lot of pictures. I also learned that she was formerly engaged to a former co-star, but they soon broke up. There's also a rumor that she's currently going out with her Full House co-star Rain right now, but that's unsubstantiated.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

I found very few fansites though. The only good one I viewed belonged to a Thai. Google it if you want to check it out.

Now, to confront the question I've been asking myself lately: why this obsession with her?

I'm not sure. I've watch Full House twice (so far) and I still find myself moved by it. When she smiles, I smile with her, when she cries, I want to kiss away all her tears. I want tobe loved by her, or someone like her. Maybe that's it.

She reminds me of a long-buried longing to be wanted, not by just anybody, but someone equally awesome.

Somehow, I doubt that it's a 'good' thing for me to feel right now.

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Maybe my current course of action is a mistake, you know? The more I'm with her, the more difficult it's becoming for me. I could spend our nights together just gazing at her. Adoring. Imagining how wonderful it would be if I could have her. Wondering how it would feel to be openly cared for by her. Trying to measure how much I'd enjoy being at her beck and call.

I know such dreams cannot be good because this, whatever this is, cannot last.

Perhaps I should be kinder to myself and quit trying to see her whenever I'm able. She is so kind that she'd come (or try very hard to do so) if I asked her to.

It cannot last. It cannot. I should have already started trying to get her off my system, but I haven't. I should have started tearing down these dreams a long time ago, but they still stand and haunt me.

O Lord, please grant me the strength do so. For her and my sake.