March 5th, 2008

I had to back off.

When I told her everything, I honestly thought that this would be good for her, good for me. Ah but as things turned out, it wasn't the case. It was just too much for her. I think she was having a hard time handling it alongside work and other stuff that she had to bother about.

I thought I would be good for her, but it seems all I ever gave her was hassle and grief, all the while the only thing I could ever think about was how badly I'm being treated.

Now it's all clear to me. After the emotional clutter has been swept, I looked at us and saw that it couldn't go on, that I couldn't wait for it to get better with time because it won't.

It won't.

I love my work. She loves her work too, probably more than I do. I cannot bear to take that away from her.

Nothing changed about the way I feel about her. The stuff I told her, they still stand, they are still truth. But having given up my dream, having desisted from pursuing her, at least I am on firmer ground. I could go to places I wouldn't have gone if I still carried that burden.

I don't know if I will be believed when I say that I'm not bitter.  I am not, even if things didn't turn out the way I wanted.  My only regret is that I may have caused her unnecessary trouble because of my honesty.  Aside from that, I suffer no guilt.

Now that's over and done with. Moving on!

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The Foo Fighters have been eerily relevant to me these past weeks. In remembrance (or celebration) of this latest milestone I will leave this song of theirs here: